Say what you mean, and mean what you say...

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am not the most articulate when it comes to verbalizing my emotions. I am much more comfortable when my thoughts are visible in front of me, and while they say talking helps us cope, I hope I may write a few words, in hopes that it allows me to cope in my own way. Because, quite frankly, if I don’t share my frustrations with someone, even if it is only thrown out into the internet abyss, I just might burst.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

My friends, I thus take diagnostic license and proclaim myself quite insane!

If you had asked me a year ago, where I would be at this time, approaching the Christmas and New Year season, I would have given you a much different answer. I saw myself happy. Happy and in love with my best friend. My best friend, who made me feel like the most incredible creation in this world. Have you ever met someone who is capable of bringing those feelings to the surface? I hope so...because the feeling is grand. I will acknowledge that I am blessed to have known the feeling at all, even if it was for a short season.

I have a question. Does anyone take their word as their bond anymore? Is there anyone left who is honest, sincere, and selfless? This is not rhetorical, because I would greatly love an answer. Or a simple point in the right direction. I’ll take either.

Although I taste a great hurt, sitting here, feeling used once again, I will no longer allow myself to be a victim. I may not be able to control what others do to me, but I can control the way I let it affect my life. No longer will I live the principle of “insanity”.

This is my declaration for a fast approaching new year.

I will be BOLD! I will not leave myself defenseless. I will not again put myself in these same situations. Ever. I will not hide, but instead vocalize my opinions, my desires, my needs, because I deserve to be heard too. I will not torture myself, simply in an effort to protect the emotions of an unrequited love. I will remember life’s innumerable blessings and joys that engulf me. Every day. And I will be brave enough to be selfish with my heart, because I now have more hope than ever, that someone, one day, WILL FIGHT FOR IT. That is, at least, my prayer.

This is all I ask…

Say what you mean, and mean what you say